WHY?

a number of people have sent me e-mails pleading with me to update this blog again.
I have to ask myself why, I appreciate your concern,and you know,thanks and all,but I rekon you should possibly consider..well a hobby such as cross stitch maybe?I havent had a great deal to say,Ive had even less time to say it in.Ive changed my job,and making a living suprisingly is taking up some of my time a day.would you belive.anyway.this is only a brief post to make those concerned aware that I have not forgotten my duties to my apparently devoted readers.I simply cant be arsed at the moment,I have to much other stuff to do.Ill be back when things are more normal.consider this an intermission,get some popcorn,ice cream and fizzy drinks.stick chewing gum in peoples seats and hair.and the show will continue when Im good and ready.

Im back

after a breif intermission bornunder returns to the blog throne with a huge sigh of relief.things are great right now,Ive not been this happy in ooohh about four months,give or take a few days.Suppose when it comes down to it it isnt the life changes,although by nature a change is as good as a rest.One of my favorite comforts right now is the fact that all my mates trust me and dont look upon me as a liar.I suppose that would be what has the smug smile situated on my face.well dear readers,let us evaluate the lessons learned by me during my absence.

1.you can help people out give them as much respect as you like,but remember theyre probably going to turn out to be the sort of dirty low life scum who dont deserve it.
2.Worry not about those dirty lowlife scum.Everyone hates a liar,and everyone loves to kick the shit out of them,and thyre bound to get it sooner or later
3.remember at all times that theyre fucked and you know it.so you can sleep well at night.

now Id like to move on.Not for a second wanting to ruin the jovial mood of this blog,Id like to congratulate myself on my recent change of direction..up for a change....well done me.I suppose shit finds it own level and Im just glad that I dont belong there with it.

that age old question

do you or dont you tell your boss when theyre flies are undone?

the adventures of bornunder continues

The english sunset.a photo log

three years of design school.still a sales rep

another submission by bornunder.design extrodinairre.see side bar for the full bornunder link button selection.as used by frantasic blogs inc

Olympics?

The Olympic Games at Athens,the place where..according to the adverts legends are going to be rewritten.
Legends indeed?......Ive looked up the word Legend on www.dictionary.com and its loosley discribed as "a person or action worty of a story or fame which promises to be enduring"
So enduring infact that I,with all my expansive knowledge of the world cannot name a single athlete who returned to england with a lump of gold stuffed in their back pocket at the last olympic event I dont even remember where the last olympic games were held.Dont get me ,Im sure that this shouldnt be the case...its just that I simply dont care.
Our representatives at Athens (god bless them) have trained their entire lives, never indulging in those simple pleasures such as eating a greasy burger,or staying in bed past five am.oh no,not the aspiring athlete,theyre up with the lark running round like a chipmunk on speed pushing their highly trained bodies to their highly trained limits day in day out 365 days a year, for however many years it takes them to realise their olympic aspirations ans asphyxiations and finally make it big.
Commitment like that takes tenacity,discipline,and guts.and what do they get? to wear lycra?.run or jump a bit,maybe throw a few objects as far as they can,then they get forgotten before their plane even lands on home turf.
amazing wouldnt you agree?I can name all tewlve contestants of big brother 5,I know who jordans currently shagging,I am aware of the fact that our beloved Kat Slater of eastenders is considering having her baby by cesarian section.I even know how much jessica simpson spent when whe last went underwear shopping.Im acutely aware (isnt everyone) that charlie dimmock does not wear bras and came close to last in the celebrity games event(so its not even an ignorance of sport in general).I dont care about any of these things,but Ill still remember them in a few weeks time
I probably should care about the life time of hard work and determination it takes to become an olympic champion,but I dont...I do care whats going to happen in the simpsons tonight.I should be wondering if englands going to bring home the gold from Athens this year.Im not,Im wondering if darren browns mind controll is really a fix.
citing these examples may make me sound like a lazy tv addict.Im not,I work full time run a house and own a dog,I go to the gym.. occasionally,and I consider myself more that qualified to get pissed off about this! I used to work at a equestrian centre which trained horses for the use of our olympic team.I groomed for famous horse trainers such as Victoria Hayton and Judy Bradwell.Do you know who these people are?No and that dosent suprise me, I left their stables three years ago and havent heard of them scince either.so thats what a life time of determination and cold showers did for them.
My advice for the young generation of hopefulls working their arses off to fulfill the olympic dream is fuck it,If your that bothered about winning to be famous win on drugs,then at least hello might buy your story and get your name known.

its our mission

after ending a long phone conversation with fru.god bless her.here comes both the first and final serious entry to my blog.and so it goes.for anyone reading this not from newark.give up,youll never understand it as its written in our local jargon

I do solomenly swear,radge my heart and stick a chivvy in my yock
that this weekend I will smaz the chavvy upside his dishlip.Or may I diss the chav completley forever be a footloose rackley.

signed.mush

Ive been thinking

Maybe this blog isnt such a good idea after all......

Bornunder meets a celebrity

Bornunder meets a celebrity...."hi you may remember me from the nicorette adverts"

shopping for jeans

jeans.I hate shopping for jeans.Im approaching this subject as the time is nearing for me to shop for new jeans.My trusty fraying efforts made a trip into the river at gone midnight(yes I was wearing them at the time no I dont want to elaborate as the damage is pretty much irrepairable)
Anyway back to the shopping for jeans,am I the only person in the world who is completely dumbfounded by the stupidity of jeans makers?do they template the jeans on factory workers?If so what in gods name do these workers look like!? big gangerly creations with arses like a bag of marbles and legs the length of runways?
Levis twisted to fit?! Twisted to fit!for fucks sake!Twisted to fit who!?!
I felt that the latter released Levis Antifit were far more aptly named. (you know the ones I mean theres the lad with the fucking stupid idea of chilli dogs and chocolate sauce on the advert,suprisingly enough that works about as well as the fucking jeans do)
then theres all the different cuts.no of which fit me.all the different sizes none of which fit me.and amazingly all the different fits none of which fit me.
the long and short of this entry to my blog is that jeans are always too long or too short for me.

thurday night drinking

is so bad for me.it took me till half twelve to pull my head out my arse and realise I was supposed to be at work.
so here comes another one of my top reasons lists.today its top ten reasons for avoiding alcopops and hating people that drink them.

1.they taste good.meaning they contain little or no alcohol.
2.they cost about £3 a pop!whats in them!? traces of crack cocaine?
3.they make you look twelve years old
4.drink enough they make you act twelve years old
5.mixed with spirits they make you act 12 months old
6.mixed with anything theyre too sweet and make you feel sick
7.they make you sick
8.they make your sick funky and somtimes scary colours
9.mixed with drugs they make evreything funky and somtimes scary colours
10.they are in themselves often funky and somtimes scary colours.Im not convinced your supposed to drink blue things.

Bornunder.gunslinger..cattle hustler..fastest sales rep in the country

Kirsty and kates timetable

9:30 – 10 am Recover from night before (if you’re here yet) and talk to colleagues

10:00 – 10:45 Data Cleanse
10:45 – 11:00 Break (You must leave your desk)
11:00 – 11:45 Appointment Booking
11:45 – 12:00 Break (You must leave your desk)
12:00 – 12:45 Data Cleanse
12:45 – 13:45 Lunch
13:45 – 14:30 Data Cleanse
14:30 – 14:45 Appointment Booking
14:45 – 15:00 Break (You must leave your desk)
15:00 – 15:45 Appointment Booking
15:45 – 16:00 Break (You must leave your desk)
16:00 – 17:30 Residential Sales


this is our working day time table in the office where I work.As regular readers will know Im a sales rep for a moble phone company.I rarley mention my job (on the off chance my manager stumbles accross my blog and fires me) but I feel that today is worthy of exeption.

As all true telesales staff will know its all in the number of dials you dial(apparently) and we have been asked to up our outbound calls to 150 a day on a business to business basis.residential sales (see 16.00 to 17.30) is a posh way of saying flogging a phone to an individual as apposed to a multiple of phones to a business.
working to this time table and we have been instructed that we have got to adhere to this timetable as its the law.and Im not a law breaker.
so on this basis we have exactly 270 minutesf business to business calling time a day.Dividing this number by 150 dials works out at exactly 1 minutes and forty eight seconds per call.I have not taken into account the time between calls that you need to call log and write down any relevant details.
introducing bornunder...fastest sales person in the west.
I think NOT morons.as if thats going to work.

joys of being poor

Im smoking drum at the moment.many thanks to everyone I owe money to.this is your fault

reality bites( submit to channel 4 bornunders ideas for a new tv show)

the tv show will be called wife swamp (donkey).
two wifes with hideous disfigurments will be taken from their families who for the duration of the wifes absence will be looked after by a hired aupair.the au pair will look after the kids implementing a routine that the wife swamp (donkey) would never approve of and shag the father.
meanwhile..(cut to swamp land) linda barker, two teams of make up artists, a plastic surgeon and several queers will attempt to prepare the insanely ugly wives for their two week stay in the swamp by putting them through a crash course in swamp eiitiquette and a "style in the nile" consultation dressing for the more discerning swamp donkey.
linda barker will build an enviromentally friendly open plan swamp dwelling enitrely out of sticks and shit on a budget of only £500 (wow) for our wife swamp (donkeys) to live in however heres the catch!theres only one dwelling.the wife swamp (donkeys) must complete a series of samp challenges such as "the beat each other within an inch of their lives challege" and the "not getting trench foot challenge" and the third and final challenge "get the public to like me then extort money from them texting and voting for me to win this stupid show" tune in next week for the results "rememeber: who wins? it depends what sort of phone bill you want"
cut to home scene...

the au pair is pregnant and daddys wants a sex change.the three beaming little children have been sent to brat camp.serves them right for listneing to that heavy metal music and getting tattoos at the age of eight.cut to swamp....

by now the triumpanhnt wife swamp donkey has completed all three challenges and is ready to return to the welcoming bosom of her family back at home.lets see her reaction when she discovers her husband mark is now called martine and is shacked up with the au pair who is up the duff.

cut to American brat camp camp...in a completely unexpected freak accident involving a cable car and a bear all the little brat camp shits are dead.quick cut to.....

reaction cam...oh fuck.

house....our wife swamp (donkey)upon reciving the news of her childrens untimely death and husbands gender bending au pair fucking antics promptly overdoses on valium.

cut to....(not much else left to cut to.majority of cast are dead)credits.now thats what I call reality tv.

cut to swamp....

check my bad self!

button link for my site (i designed it myself).apparently it does work...amazingly enough,I wasn't able work out how to bring up the code for those who wanted it to put a picture link from their site to mine.this is a singuarly impressive fuck up considering I wrote the code.putting my picture on your site will not garuntee your site the popularity of mine so dont expect it.It took me fucking ages to work out how to do a link button,and seen as though I dont really have a clue about web design I had to seek advice from my sun starved friend Jamie (hardman) sanders.If your using this link chances are you have less of a clue than me so do not blame me if it fucks up your site either!its your own fault for having faith in my (very basic) grasp of the wonderfully complex language of html.Slightly begrudging thanks I suppose to Webmaster Sanders for explaining how to perform this very basic task.you are both a gentleman and a scholar two things I aspire never to be (which I suppose explains why youre a webmaster and on your annual 4 week holiday and Im a sales rep and not)

anyway.Ive put the link code in the side bar in red.Copy and paste at will.Please feel free to tell me how talented I am

welcome to "aircon world" please take a moment to read this simple saftey guide.

ladies and gentlemen you are now entering air con world.For those of you whom have been breathing normal air throughout the weekend,please collect your own bio suits and head to the contamination lounge for the contamination procedure.
will all pre contaminated personell please strategically position themselves in an office with an external air source.remember at all times sneezers and coughers should not partake in the use of tissues as this is strictly prohibited.
"Important"staff who witness the use of handy andys or kleenex should report immediately to a superior member of staff.
"Important" staff who arrive to work on monday morning who have recovered due to the inhalation of real air should not proceed to their desk untill all pre contaminated staff are in position in the infecting areas.
"Important"the use of vitamnins is also strictly prohibited as early indications show they can interfere with the carefully balanced contamintaion levels in "aircon world"

In the event of emergency please do not attempt to leave the building via the senic route.utillize doors where ever possible.do not attempt to leave the building via windows.You will find that this is not possible due to the lack of windows,any sucsessful attempt to utillize windows is virtual only and refers to windows 98 onwards.Windows packages are not a life saving device
"Important"using windows in a virtual sense will in no way provide air circulation in "aircon world" please do not rely on this as an air source,doing so may proove to be detrimental to your health.

The Exit procedure for "aircon world" is as follows.
under no circumstance should employees attempt to wedge open doors upon leaving "aircon world"
Please find under your chair a precontaminated oxygen cylinder,this should be used as an acclimatisation tool and not a life saving device
"Important"you must be aware natural light may cause feelings of elation,freedom and occasionally encourage physical reactions such as an uncontrollable urge to look around and blink.these are all the bodys perfectly normal reactions to being denied sunlight for lengthly periods of time.Please do not consult your doctor.
"Important"follow "aircon world" procedures at all times for a safe and happy work enviroment. and remember,any staff found to be ill with potentially fatal contageous disease should immidiately report to reception for redirection into an external air source office to ensure safe and even distibution to of airborne contaminee to all staff and employees.

Have a nice day.