in the dark

electric cards.
for my fans on a global level, here in england, those of us who have bollox electric companies have to buy electric cards, you pay for them, put them in the machine, then on comes your electric...by the same principal if you dont buy the card,pay for it, put it in the machine...then suprise!!... off goes your electric.
fantastically simple you cry, what a great system!no bills, no hassle, no direct debits of cheques...a belter of an idea.
Id agree with that..providing that every retailer in the country who sells the fucking cards diddnt shut at 10 pm, and not reopen untill the following morning.
basically the point Im getting towards is, if youre machine ticks all the money off the card at 10.05pm...you will be walking round in the dark tripping over things untill daylight the following morning...unless you go to sleep..which is easily done providing you arent scared of the dark (or in my case, providing you dont own to dogs who are) some of us have candles...another fantastic solution to the electric pre pay situation...providing your home insurance company is sympathetic and your smoke alarm batteries have been tested at some point in the last twelve years.(niether of those statements, I hasten to add...are applicable to me)
I know that none of this is in the slightest bit important to anyone who is fortunate enough to have an electricity supplier thats main goal is to actually ensure their customers DO have a supply of the blue spark that powers their appliances, however, Id like to gripe about it a bit anyway.
I suppose what Im trying to say is if theres anyone out there who fancies cosy candlelit nights in....by the hundred...then I guess as somone who frequently has them...wheter by choice or not...Im the girl for you. Drop me a line, and providing I have a match to read the letter by (or my house hasnt burnt down around me, taking all my worldly possessions with it including my note book and pens) Im sure Ill get back to you.

frosters

Last night I drank fosters lager mixed with frosty jacks cider at room temperature and enjoyed it...do I need help?
if it helps my cause at all I did put a bit of blackcurrant cordial in it.

Facing Facts

Id like to reopen the online history book of my little life with a post dedicated entirely to a subject I have devoted many,many hours or research to.
Its a fairly monolithicly proportioned subject, one that even I in my litterary greatness couldnt possibly hope to document in just one tiny post, but still..I feel a little bit of my time should be passed by trying to cover a couple of areas for the benefit of my ever faithful readers.(I admit Ive negleced you all a little, and I promise I will try harder in future)
anyway, the subject I would like to touch upon today is what I have named...feenius
(pronounced fee-nee-uss)
the dirsty dictionary defenition of the word feenius is as follows:
FEENIUS (verb) to describe words, phrases or actions of a genius displayed by the layman (who ordinarily would not be considered to have genius properites) whilst under influences of severe amounts of intoxicating substance (which makes them think they have) (combination=) fucked/genius hence feenius was born.and lo,all rejoiced.
any who, for your reading pleasure, follows a collection of the more feenius and moments I can remember from the past few months starting with my very own moment of feenius.

reading from a road sign "it says when red light shows stop, evidently theres no red light...I guess that means we can continue"

Kev: "come on fester let me take you home youve had enough to drink"
Fester the great: "You can take me to the front door, then you could take me home from there"

Sarah: "theres no easy way to tell a twenty stone lesbian that your straight really is there?"

Fran "I think its time you fucked off really"

"its always bad news when your late for a house party and everyone already there is phoning you and telling you to hurry up.It means the partys crap or your mates have seperation anxiety, neither of which are a good thing"

"I couldnt drink any more if I tried...time to try harder"

"Id say that anyone over the age of around 40 should be banned from wearing skin tight leather"...."in public anyway"

"lets carry out a risk assesment, it was risky when we were sober so now were wasted its probably more of the same"

"does this top make me look fat?"
"no,youre fat makes you look fat...you shouldnt blame the top"

"vodka and I have one thing in common, were both destined to be drunk"

Domination

Just as I was verging on blog domination, some fuckwit took my internet away.
note to self...pay bills...