We Thought My Dog Was Stupid..

So's you know

Bornunder likes making up captions for photos

Harold was unsure about the screenplay for the new halifax advert...


Its still funny

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The christmas turkey made one last desperate attempt at an escape...


please please visit this website, I mean really, I thought I was funny, but no, this is just sheer comedy with bells on!!

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Top ten? who would have thought it

Im acutley aware Im pushing the old top ten angle again, as I often seem to do when Im short of things to complain about on my blog, but you still keep reading, and as long as your doing that, I will continue to produce this bottom of the barrell trash for your reading displeasure so here it is ladies and gents the bornunder top ten of odd things Ive overheard on public transport.(its relevant I promise, Ive been on lots of trains these past few weeks)

10."I may start a petition, after breakfast though.that sort of revolutionary thinking should not be undertaken on an empty stomach"
9."My dads known this german guy for thirty years, theyre really good friends, but he still talks to him like hes deaf becuase hes foriegn.its so hilarious"
8."I hope you will excuse me but I think we are in the same line of work? Its just I heard you say cut template there a minute ago"
(your guess really is as good as mine as to what industry that might be)
7."No, no, really talk to me, Im bored"...(more aggressive now) "no, I said talk to me, Im not paying my phone bill to listen to you sigh repeatedly"
(hangs up the phone)
"stupid bitch"
6."I fell over once on the train platform, it was what I would consider to be mildly embarrasing, but I diddnt let it spoil my day"
5."Have you ever even been to peterborough station" (there is a pause whilst the other passenger considers this question)"good, then you will understand me when I tell you it would look much better if it was painted white, instead of murky grey"(for those of you who dont know peterborough station is, infact, mainly painted navy blue)
4."this train is the equivalent to the pikey transit van"..."DONT POKE FUN AT MY PIKEY TRAIN!"
3."seven months!? is that all, what the hell are you feeding him?"
this was infact in reference to a baby who was on the train, it wasnt an exeptionally large baby, it was, I would say, a pretty unremarkable baby in almost every way, up untill the point when it shat itself. I was then considerably more inclined to ask the "what the hell are you feeding him?!!" question myself, I would have done if the baby's bowl movment haddnt provoked a simalar reaction in my eyes nose and mouth to that of tear gas.
2."I hate busses, I hate trains, I hate cars and planes.I just dont like fucking transport of any fucking description and yet here I am again, on a fucking train, and its only fucking tuesday!"
1.and my personal favorite which I overheard on a delayed train to london kings cross station "GNER..must stand for Going Nowhere Ever Railway"...followed by "shower of bastards if ever there was one"

God loves a trier

especially if theyre willing to sit for an hour or so drawing a picture of themselves on paint.
PAINT I ASK YOU!!??
No photoshop in sight.

The North South Devide

In the few short weeks scince my decision was made to fly south for the summer and take up residence in kent Ive been doing alot of travelling to and from Englands glorious capital city in an attempt to be sure Im going into this with my eyes open as to what I may or may not be letting myself in for.During my visits well meaning friends have warned me away from certain areas in London, Essex and Kent (the three areas I am looking at relocating too) branding certain areas as Rough or Crime ridden.
Its because of this that it has come to my attention that the Northern definition of the words 'Rough' and 'Crime ridden' are slightly different to the Southern understanding of it and as I now feel quite qualified to comment Im going to attempt to expand on this in order that people from different cultures may better understand the stark meaning of the word 'Rough' as I have come to know it.

For instance,call me old fashioned (or if youd rather not then dont,who am I to dictate?)but when I wander round parks and past shops I expect to see large groups of teenagers experimenting with drugs and alcohol.Its somthing you become accustomed to living where I live, I expect it, remember fondly the days when I was a part of it, and now have become so used to it that now this event is only notable to me by its absence in other areas of the country.
In Tilbury (South Essex) I was Pestered (not very persistently I might add)by a solitary drunk teenager who asked me (in a cut glass english accent) if I might have a ciggarete I was willing to lend them. When I answered the negative, he staggered off, shouted a few vauge attempts at insults accross the street,(some sort of reference to me being a northern monkey I belive) then promptly passed out. This I feel was a very poor attempt at threatening behaviour.Had this young reprabate attempted the Nottinghamshire academy of being a juvenille delinquent he would have at least approached me with seven of eight associates, three of whom would have been carrying a weapon of some description and he would definitely not have said "please" at any point during the conversation, in fact Id have considered it a rare treat if hed used any real words at all.
Following this incident I boarded a train into London and upon exiting the station in Kings Cross I heard a rastafarian accent ring out the words "and round the corner on this beautiful day comes a beautiful girl in the sunshine" I quickly established the source of this unexpected compliment to be a aged barefoot homless guy smiling up at me from his seat crosslegged on the pavement next to a pile of big issues.
I stopped and asked if I might buy a copy and he beamed up at me and said "I say your beautiful becuase you a vision my girl, not because I want you to buy my big issue" he then looked past me to bid a wonderful day to a passing road worker.
I brought my copy of the magazine and handed him a bottle of water from my bag telling him to keep it as its going to be a hot day "ill be here all day" he smiles up at me "Im a very patient man and I like to sit in the sunshine"
As I walked away I could hear him bidding good day to everyone who passed him and even the most hard faced suit wearers were smiling when they passed him.
Nottinghamshire has, I belive, the highest number of homeless people in the counrty, Nottingham its self is a smaller city by comparison with a higher concentration of people vying for donations to buy crack with, so maybe thats why our homless are more likley to attempt to extort money from you by stabbing you if you dont give them your wallet on request, and maybe the opiates up here arent as good as the ones available down south, but one thigs for certain, Im yet to encounter a homless person who is willing of capable of engaging in any kind of non violent social transaction.
I could (and would like to)go on,but this post is in danger of becoming a thesis on social diversity and I have appointments to be late for, but I think from this we can all see the point Im trying to convey, which is that somwhere between Nottingham and London 'Rough' stops meaning 'being in regular contact with individuals and groups who pose an immediate threat of violence' and starts meaning 'occassionally you may be required to engage in conversation with somone who does not reguarly read broadsheets'

Not Again

Ben Fogle gives his exauhsted friend a piggy back ride.
hmmmm, looks painful Ben.