Ode to you know who

You eat and eat and moan your fat,
just why are you suprised at that,
you snipe about me when Im not there,
under the impression that I care,
The sad thing is I know your fake,
your husband stays out drinking late,
your kids cant stand to stay at home,
theyd rather walk the streets alone,
youve got no mates beside your mum,
and she only likes you coz shes dumb,
you moan at me and I dont give a toss,
your life so far is one big loss,
your a looser at life and IM sorry for you,
to pull other people down is all you can do,
it makes your life seem a bit less shit,
but sadly it wont change a bit,
then one day when your old and all alone,
no longer at work on the telephone,
you'll wish youd tried to do your job,
instead of filing your nails and shouting off your gob,
but its to late for you coz your kids never call,
your husband left you for girl from nepall,
and your pension is rubbish so you ve nothing to do,
and Ill still be sat there..laughing at you.
HA HA !!

On my way to work

This morning it was raining, it was as my good old dad likes to say.."coming down like stair rods" although exactly what stair rods are and how much resembelance they bear to englands shitty rain Im still unsure.
Any how, just my crappy luck when Ive got to bike to work at stupid am with a hang over on a monday morning so I leave my house cursing all and sundry beacuse every water proof item of clothing I own and then some seem to have dissapeared into thin air or been eaten by my two dogs and the sick fucks nice and warm in their dirty great big lorries seem to think that the height of entertainment is flooring it through the three feet deep puddles/fast moving rivers that are collecting at the roadside so that I end up even more piss wet through and if its even possible even more pissed off than I was.
One such cretin driving a blue and white pick up with a selection of manky ass tools in the back was experimenting with exactly how close and how fast he could floor it pass me to ensure maximum drenching (clearly a cretin beacuse had he applied a moments thought to the situation he would have figured out I couldnt really get a great deal more soaked without actually inhaleing water and drowning)
when lo and behold, the dumb ass truck driver hits my bike and sends me flying face first into the wet concrete surface of bowbridge road.
Two stiches, a bit of concussion, busted wrist,trashed bike and an iodine dressing later...here I am typing with one fucking hand and wondering if there really was a valid reason for me to actually get out of bed this morning.
the no good scum pick up driving looser did not even stop.
just drove right on, probably recording the entire event on his mobile phone and laughing through his rotten neglected shitty plaque teeth with his nasty halitosis breath into the fat face of his eaqually stinky passanger.
and so begins my campaign of hate against all pick up drivers.
fucking cretins.

Dog eats Baby oil

ozzie dog (the less gifted of my two canine companions) ate an entire bottle of baby oil the other week, Im willing to bet its a little known fact amongst my readers that if a dog eats baby oil in large quantitys it will then shit what can only be described as somthing resembeling baby oil but differing greatly in colour and odour for the following three days.
how pleasant is that?
I can only assume, that Ozzie dog crossley now has a baby soft digestive tract.