When dinner parties go wrong
Were coming up to the party season folk's and arent we all just so excited.yes my friends its the time of year when invites drop through my door and into my lap (providing Im squatting under the letterbox,if not then they just fall on the floor)
requesting the pleasure of my company at all manner of events.
Whys this a problem?well its not.(apart from the obvious aches and pains caused by squatting under the letter box for long periods of time)
I can completely handle company,drink and all the trimmings.Its just christmas itself that pisses me off.Every year I get more and more skint buying presents for family.and less and less presents back.How the hell does that work out.When I was three I never brought presents for anyone,but I got absolubtely shed loads.everything that I asked santa for, and then some.then when I got older and grasped the concept of money I started buying little presents for everyone so they would know I cared.This you would think would have a direct effect of increasing the number of presents I recive as surley now all these people know I care they will want to let me know the feelings mutual,and what better way to do that than presents?
But no.The older Ive got,the more Ive spent and the less presents I get.by the time Im 25 no ones going to buy me bugger all,and Im going to be forking out thousands of pounds a year.All coz my stupid brothers and sisters and cousins and auntys and uncles and everything keep reproducing.getting ,married and extending the family tree with a blatant disregard for the hapless christmas shopper.
So this year I have a theory.For christmas Im going to gove to all me female relatives a cap + spermicide.All male a packet of durex.And all kids photocopies of the bible pages saying how bad it is to have sex.
Remember folk's its all about Jesus.
requesting the pleasure of my company at all manner of events.
Whys this a problem?well its not.(apart from the obvious aches and pains caused by squatting under the letter box for long periods of time)
I can completely handle company,drink and all the trimmings.Its just christmas itself that pisses me off.Every year I get more and more skint buying presents for family.and less and less presents back.How the hell does that work out.When I was three I never brought presents for anyone,but I got absolubtely shed loads.everything that I asked santa for, and then some.then when I got older and grasped the concept of money I started buying little presents for everyone so they would know I cared.This you would think would have a direct effect of increasing the number of presents I recive as surley now all these people know I care they will want to let me know the feelings mutual,and what better way to do that than presents?
But no.The older Ive got,the more Ive spent and the less presents I get.by the time Im 25 no ones going to buy me bugger all,and Im going to be forking out thousands of pounds a year.All coz my stupid brothers and sisters and cousins and auntys and uncles and everything keep reproducing.getting ,married and extending the family tree with a blatant disregard for the hapless christmas shopper.
So this year I have a theory.For christmas Im going to gove to all me female relatives a cap + spermicide.All male a packet of durex.And all kids photocopies of the bible pages saying how bad it is to have sex.
Remember folk's its all about Jesus.
posted by bornunder at 9:57 AM
2 Comments:
Didnt know you godless heathens across the ocean celebrated christmas.... Don't you europeans pray to the sun, club seals, and forge nuts and berries to survive???
(MAN!!!, I totally lack sophistication)
-khemystri
i got u an ickle pressie yesterday and no its not from wilkos :o)
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