Record shopping

I went to funky monkey the other day to buy some new records.I went alone as I always do when I shop for records because if anyoone comes with me they get their head done in. I often spend several hours in each shop listening to a gazillion and three different records before making the important decisions of which ones are going to work,and which arent.I played at a party recently,and had the cheek to complain about the setup and theyre being no moniter speaker which made it almost impossible to play.I got a condescending apology and a "well ZARD managed".zard plays drum and bass.any twat can mix drum and bass.If Id have anticipated a set up that shit,I would have took exclusively drum and bass records because its near on impossible to make a mess of mixing drum and bass.so ZARD,as far as Im concerned can stick his records up his japs eye.flat ways.
whats even worse is recently I have encountered this girls cant mix philosiphy at several shops as well!Un-pissing-beliveable!!.
I walk in with my OWN headphones in my bag,theyre loud enough to make your ears bleed so perfect for the job.
This seems to cause discomfort from the start amongst most spotty pre pubescent record shop staff.
they start shoving each other and muttering and giggling to themselves, "you help her kevin,tell her that this isnt a clothes shop"
"no percy!you tell her!...shes probably looking for westlife lp's or summat"

or words to that effect I would imagine

I have developed an almost unique way of dealing with this (apart from buying online of course)

I breeze up to the counter with a big smile on my face and ask for a record theyve probably never heard of,quoting even the label and run number and ask them if theyve got it.

more often than not the dumbass's dont realise Ive made it up and fall over each other to try and find it.suprisingly,they cant.
Ill then ask if they can order it in.more hilarity.

Ok so they cant order it,havent heard of it,cant find it on their database,and are too stupid to click that its an entirely fictional record.That makes them shit.Ive got the upper hand and they dont like it coz Im a girl trading in a mans land world of record shopping.
What would somone like me do in that situation I ask myself.well Id make them even more ill at ease by selecting a huge pile of records at an excruciatingly slow pace,all the while asking what they would reccommend,do they think it would fit into a set with these other records,what did they have for brekfast,do they wash behind theyre ears.By this point theyre pissed off to the back teeth with me,and Im thoroughly enjoying myself.
I then make myself comfortable infront of one of theyre usually clapped out technics turntable's they have on the counter and complain about the blunt stylus making it impossible to listen to all the records Ive picked up (usually I whinge till they change it).Somtimes I listen to each record twice.somtimes I even sing along which is usually the clincher in the "do you think shes a nutter?" sweep stakes the staff are by this point running.
by the time I leave I may have only spent a tenner,somtimes less.but Im safe in the knowledge Ive got the record I want and ruined theyre good for nothing little day into the bargain.
god I love being a girl.