At lunch
continuing my developing obsession with counting things that cause me stress.Ive decided if I count them Ill eventually start looking foward to these things so I can add them to my lists.I will diarise events that upset me on this blog.
Today, top ten annoying Old people things to do.
1.Walk in front of you,Make shocked tutting and clucking noises when you barrell into them.appaerently you were not looking where you were going young lady.
2.read every newspaper at the news stand.Buy none but hold up waiting customers such as myself for three days.
3.Act crazy when theyre sane and sane when theyre crazy..you never know where you stand with a crinkly.
4.State the blindingly obvious for instance "ohhhhh havent you grown" yes I have,and if Id have remained the same size scince the age of two,Id have problems.
5.Ask you if you want a cup of tea and a natter.No I do not want to talk to you much,the insurmountable age gap means we have absolubtely nothing in common,therefore nothing to talk about.
6.Tell you things arent like they used to be (thank christ)
7.go on about the war when they were three when it happened and only remember minor details like the lack of bananas available in england at the time
8.Have facial hair regardless of gender.
9.hate children of all ages,but dote on their own grandchildern.who will in all probability turn out to be ungrateful brats who steal their pensions.
10.go to hair salons the same time as I do,and whinge at me about the tea being cold for the duration of their blue rinse and perm.If you want good tea,piss off to a cafe and whine at the waitress.while youre there see how good she is at cut and colours.
Some people have suggested professional help for this counting things condition.
infact exactly seventeen people have suggested it.Id like to extend my warmest congratulations to you all.you are now nothing but another statistic for my blog.consider yourself counted.
Today, top ten annoying Old people things to do.
1.Walk in front of you,Make shocked tutting and clucking noises when you barrell into them.appaerently you were not looking where you were going young lady.
2.read every newspaper at the news stand.Buy none but hold up waiting customers such as myself for three days.
3.Act crazy when theyre sane and sane when theyre crazy..you never know where you stand with a crinkly.
4.State the blindingly obvious for instance "ohhhhh havent you grown" yes I have,and if Id have remained the same size scince the age of two,Id have problems.
5.Ask you if you want a cup of tea and a natter.No I do not want to talk to you much,the insurmountable age gap means we have absolubtely nothing in common,therefore nothing to talk about.
6.Tell you things arent like they used to be (thank christ)
7.go on about the war when they were three when it happened and only remember minor details like the lack of bananas available in england at the time
8.Have facial hair regardless of gender.
9.hate children of all ages,but dote on their own grandchildern.who will in all probability turn out to be ungrateful brats who steal their pensions.
10.go to hair salons the same time as I do,and whinge at me about the tea being cold for the duration of their blue rinse and perm.If you want good tea,piss off to a cafe and whine at the waitress.while youre there see how good she is at cut and colours.
Some people have suggested professional help for this counting things condition.
infact exactly seventeen people have suggested it.Id like to extend my warmest congratulations to you all.you are now nothing but another statistic for my blog.consider yourself counted.
posted by bornunder at 3:03 PM
2 Comments:
i'm going to be a really annoying old lady. nyerr! what else is there to do when you're rotting away? :)
Wouldn't it be ironic if when you grew old,
you forgot how to count.... That'd be awesome!!!
1,2,3,6,59,9er,eleventeen... Fuck it, let's complain about the tea...
-khem
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