Top Tips

1.Drunk ex's...instead of wasting valuble money phoning me from your mobile at all hours of the morning to tell me youve never met anyone like me before..remember if you had of met anyone like me before you would have finished them for being too high maintenence too.
2Residents of newark.. save money for christmas by only buying enough fireworks for november the 5th the uk official date for bonfire night instead of buying enough to last from early october through to mid febuary then letting them off everynight from dusk untill dawn
3.women.. once youve sold out your friends for a boyfriend they cant stand, dont attempt to make amends by offering them a drink to buy their friendship back..you'll be wasting their money and your time.
4.Make your postmans day by opening the door as he comes up the path and saying if theres any bills you can take them back!HA HA HA!
5.Elderly reletaives worth less than a few hundred grand.. dont upset yourself when I dont send you a christmas card this year,doing so will only cause unnessacary heartache.
6.Ugly men...save embarrasment all round by not asking if the seat at my table in a bar is taken.
7.Bin Men..make your job less demanding by realising refusing to empty my bin one week beacuse the lid is more than an inch open, will not result in there being miraculously less rubbish the following week.
8.drunk person who sings in the street at four am...lessen your chance of a good kicking by not singing songs about killing off ethnic minorities