another monday
Ive had a really bad few weeks as far as sales are concerned,Ive only just scraped past 50% of my end of month sales target and as for the other half of my target,well theres absolubtley no way of me making it up in the extremely small space of time I have left without working some sort of fucking miracle.
As a result of this,both of my managers (who consider themselves to be of the free thinking sympathetic management sort,providing the staff are making the company,and them,money)
have come up with the perfect solution to end this telemarketers block I appear to have ran into.
1.ask staff why staff isnt selling (keep calm,smile,this lazy shit ISNT sending you bankrupt,just causing a temporary drop in profits)
2.accept staffs whinge of not having enough data as a sign that what she really means is "you arent paying me enough"(coz theyre all money grabbing little fucks at the end of that day arent they?)
3.offer afore mentioned member of staff a 100% commission rise(that'll make the lazy bitch work)
4.reveiw same member of staffs salary.raise that too.(but not by too much)
5.sit back with a warm glow knowing that you have infact by not bollocking said member of staff, achived your goal of getting staff to work bollox off for an acceptable wage as opposed to an illegal one.(great stuff evryones a winner!)
6.you are now a free thinking manager.well done.(tell wife and kids of your good deed)
Now from afore mentioned staffs point of veiw.
1.look up disdainfully as boss walks in office without knocking (again)
2.sigh as boss makes himself comfortable (its half five friday evening you may not have a life but I do mate)
3.wince your way through motivational "chat" (which you know is corporatre talk for how long do you actually want to keep this job for you dumb fuck)
4.hit upon the genius idea of blaming somone/somthing else (although the data is pretty rubbish so youre not really making excuses for being idle/spending too much time on internet games/fag breaks ect)
5.get home at half six in a terrible mood and wonder what the other managers motivational "chats" youve been promised for monday morning going to involve(toy with idea of calling in sick on monday morning)
6.Phone in sick monday morning coz you cant face another "performance evaluation"not with this head on anyway,sneak in on monday afternoon and gingerly await your chat,only to be told your getting a pay rise.(resolve that your boss isnt the unreasonable prick youd prepared yourself to deal with and bask in the warm glow of now knowing youll only have to do half as much as you did before to earn the money you need to survive)
If thats not a happy ending I dont know what is!
As a result of this,both of my managers (who consider themselves to be of the free thinking sympathetic management sort,providing the staff are making the company,and them,money)
have come up with the perfect solution to end this telemarketers block I appear to have ran into.
1.ask staff why staff isnt selling (keep calm,smile,this lazy shit ISNT sending you bankrupt,just causing a temporary drop in profits)
2.accept staffs whinge of not having enough data as a sign that what she really means is "you arent paying me enough"(coz theyre all money grabbing little fucks at the end of that day arent they?)
3.offer afore mentioned member of staff a 100% commission rise(that'll make the lazy bitch work)
4.reveiw same member of staffs salary.raise that too.(but not by too much)
5.sit back with a warm glow knowing that you have infact by not bollocking said member of staff, achived your goal of getting staff to work bollox off for an acceptable wage as opposed to an illegal one.(great stuff evryones a winner!)
6.you are now a free thinking manager.well done.(tell wife and kids of your good deed)
Now from afore mentioned staffs point of veiw.
1.look up disdainfully as boss walks in office without knocking (again)
2.sigh as boss makes himself comfortable (its half five friday evening you may not have a life but I do mate)
3.wince your way through motivational "chat" (which you know is corporatre talk for how long do you actually want to keep this job for you dumb fuck)
4.hit upon the genius idea of blaming somone/somthing else (although the data is pretty rubbish so youre not really making excuses for being idle/spending too much time on internet games/fag breaks ect)
5.get home at half six in a terrible mood and wonder what the other managers motivational "chats" youve been promised for monday morning going to involve(toy with idea of calling in sick on monday morning)
6.Phone in sick monday morning coz you cant face another "performance evaluation"not with this head on anyway,sneak in on monday afternoon and gingerly await your chat,only to be told your getting a pay rise.(resolve that your boss isnt the unreasonable prick youd prepared yourself to deal with and bask in the warm glow of now knowing youll only have to do half as much as you did before to earn the money you need to survive)
If thats not a happy ending I dont know what is!
posted by bornunder at 5:01 PM
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