4 am friday morning

its early hours of the morning,gettin light,five of us are in the car somwhere between newark and nottingham.we all have lambrini under the seats as usual.were on our way home.weve been pulled over once and chars been brethalysed and passed and now were on our way again.

Me "if baby oil rots rubber imagine what it does to your skin"
Emma "what?"
Me "babyoil"
Emma "what about it?"
Me "rots rubber"
Emma "what? baby oil?"
Me " how is it good for your skin if it rots rubber"
Emma "what are you on about?"
Me "Babyoil! you cant use it as lube coz it rots rubber!"
Emma "and?"
Me "it makes condoms split"
Emma "oh right condoms.I get you"
Me "?"
Emma "I thought you were on about the man made substance"
Me "oh"

silence whilst evryone tries to process what the fuck just hapened.

Char "I need a wee now"
Sara (has been huncehed up with her eyes closed untill now) "theres a garage muh"

we pull into the garage and the monster behind the counter wobbles up to the glass and snarls at char who is dancing on the spot.
The munter behind the counter refuses to let charlotte use the toilet offering the excuse that this garage apparently does not have a toilet.
charlotte quite reasonably asks where the staff go to piss and the counter beast shrugs and walks off.
char realises the conversation is now closed and skips back to the car and jumps into the drivers seat,drives six feet to the side of the garage,jumpsm back out again drops her pants and proceeds to piss on the forecourt much to our amusment its a fucking big piss the girls drank at least six bottles of water in the past few hours.
Much to the astonishment of the munter staring open mouthed through her little perspex box its a fucking big piss going all over her forecourt.
bet you wish youd let her use the toilet now bitch.
ever the lady char straightened up adjusted herself and jogged back to the car where we all sat doubled over with tears running down our faces.
quality