House Hunting

After my recent relocation I decided Id made a severe error of judgement in my choice of destination, quite far from my delusions of grandeur that involved me living in a glamorous flat in an upmarket part of London with some go-get-em up and coming carreer girls like myself who like chardonnay and girly chats, I found myself residing in a vermin infested hovel on the furthest reaches of what somone imaginatively titled 'Greater London' with a girl convicted of fraud and a nurse with excess bodyfat and an inability to close her legs whilst reclining. Couple this with her reluctance to invest in decent quality underwear and youve got a vision that can cause ones breakfast cereal to sour in an instant.
Time, I told myself to search for a new flat, one perhaps that isnt closer to wales than it is London, with flatmates of less questionable character.
Trying to find a decent flat share in London can be tricky, take this for example "delightful three bed/split level flat, good ventilation and uninnterrupted veiws of the south bank, central location within easy access of local amenities. Nice safe area to share with two guys and a girl, all very easygoing young professionals" if this sounds too good to be true, its becasue frankly, it is,

and when you do finally find the house you like, you then have the drama of the housemates deciding "do they like you enough to live with?" and you will find that invariably, they dont, because your temper is frayed because youve veiwed sixty three fucking houses in a row and shook hands with enough smug young proffessionals in an evening to garuntee you at least three different types of contageous skin condition. Youve spent a fortune on getting to know you bottles of wine, which are always non-offensive bottles of piss water that you would rather upend down a drain than drink, and if..and this is a big if, the house your veiwing a)dosent look like its populated by ecoli and fleas, or b) it dosent look like its populated with such tossers you would rather take your chances with the ecoli and fleas..then you can garuntee that somone will come along before or after, who hasnt been at work all day,diddnt get rained on or lost whilst finding the place, isnt snappy and annoyed at time wasted travelling to and from houses they wouldnt put a dog in and WILL bring the right bottle of non-offensive piss water.
Fabulous.
there is a happy ending to my tale (thankfully) so please dont fret, I have managed to find a new home with people who dont twitch whilst talking, have excess limbs or stink like pole cats, but be warned flat share people, its a jungle out there, and jungles hide very unsavoury creatures.
like fleas, ecoli, and greasy smarmy up themselves bastards that you want to punch in the jaw,Id like to pass on a few gems of individuals I encountered during my flat hunt,like the insane woman who diddnt permit hertenants to have visitors and monitored al theyre activities with cctv, the flat where the bathroom shared between five was actually a shower cubicle and a toilet fitted into the cupboard under the stairs, and the door that got opened by a man with a beard...and a shell suit. Alas that I fear may have to wait untill another day as time for packing grows near.
wish me all luck in the new and improved chez kirsty.Look out Golders Green, here I come!