Bornunders over christmas and has some new years resolutions

Christmas with Martin and his family was, as expected booze soaked, turkey stuffed southern family gathering at its best, with his family seemingly endlessley entertained by that I am still stubbournly refusing to pronounce the words glass and bath as barth and glarse despite the fact that I am now of course an honourary southerner. The festive season saw me being force fed several roast dinners and cold buffets washed down with martins fathers seemingly unending supply of (especially brought for me the only person there who drinks it) red wine and ninety four different types of cheese and buscuit in a lovley warm house in Hampshire.
New years eve found me caught in a crowdcrush of about twentey seven thousand revellers in trafalger square clinging onto Martins hand as we endured lashing wind, subzero temperatures and torrential rain squished up against all kinds of unsavoury characters, face to face with the occassional police horses arse in the name of welcoming in the new year and watching the fireworks (which incidentally we couldn't see because there was a building in the way so we had to watch them via live feed onto a big screen in the square)2007 began (somewhat predctabaly bearing in mind we were in heavy crowds in central london) with a phone call to cancel the bank card we had lost/had stolen from our bag.
Now, sadly the parties have ceased, and the time is nigh for the usual obligatory new years resolutions, and to ensure that I have less oppertunity to deny ever making any I'm going to publish them here..then in febuary when im still smoking too much, drinking sambuka even though I know I cant handle it like I used to and swearing at commuters who get in my way we can all point out that Im a usless weak willed victim of modern life who just does what the media and her friends tell her too.
Resolution number one:Stop being a madam no, I dont mean Im going to sell my succsessful brothel and end my fictional association with the oldest trade. The resolution to stop being a madam is more for the beneft of my boyfriend and friends, who are the people around me who have to shuffle uncomfortably and look at the floor whilst I make very loud and public observations about my opinions on such things as the appaling service in this restaraunt, the fact that the bloke in the white shirt just cut infront of me in the queue, how I REFUSE to buy anything from that CRETIN behind the counter and what that girl over there is wearing. In short, I am going to be a little less diva-ish, a little more shut up and put up.
For those of you who know her on a personal basis, my evil alterego "Princess J of the detonation nation" is going to take a few tantrum managment seminars, Which means, much to the relief of London pedestrians and anyone who has to walk the street with me I will not be shouting "WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE YOU IGNORANT BASTARD?!!" at anyone who accidentally brushes shoulders with me in the street.
Resolution number two:Come to terms with the fact that I can no longer drink as much as I used to. we could attribute my reduced alcohol tolerance to a number of things, my friends in the North factor it to my now living in London hence as a southern fairy I will, by default be unable to drink as much as they can. My friends on the south will explain its because Im a northerner and all northerners cant drink anything except newcastle brown ale, my faimly put it down tothe fact that Im adopted and I'm pretty certain its because I will be 24 this year,which means Im getting progressively closer to thirty and Ive got to accept I cant maintain my bosses approval and go on 72 hour long student-esqe benders drinking neat vodka strained onto coke through a dirty tea towel any more. So I have to accept that when the boys suggest a round of sambuka, I must not jump up and shout "Get me two!...and a vodka and coke!" because I cant drink like I used to, if I get pissed I feel like shit for two days after and the vast majority of the time, the night ends in Martin saying "oh poor B" and shaking his head whilst holding my hair out the way and encouraging me to sip water so I can empty the contents of my stomach down the toilet in our flat.
Resolution number three:give up smoking again its not big, its not clever, I lasted nine months last time I quit and only started again because It was a good and safe alternative to shooting my boss in the face then pissing in the bullet holes. Thankfully the boss in question is now out of my life, and theres no one else who could possibly posses the same talent for being an insufferable c*nt so theres no reason for me to smoking. bye bye mayfair lights.
resolution number four:be less vain a promise to waste less time playing with my hair, checking my reflection in windows, trying on seventy seven different outfits and complaining becasuse the three inch heels Im wearing to walk round the cobbled streets of the west end have cut off the circulation to my toes. I will also not buy expensive drinks just becasue theyre pink and come in pretty glasses and the time spent applying my makeup each day will be reduced (at least to a point where I say "Im going to get ready" and martin dosent reply with "good I was meaning to catch up on my sleep/gaming/family guy veiwing/finish reading the encyclopedia")
My hours spent getting ready coupled with my appaling time keeping are (as anyone who knows me will confirm) not one of my better qualities, and although usually rock up to work/social engagements/dates at least an hour or so late in a perfectly good mood, the unfortunates who have been sat waiting for me hate me more and more each time I breezily ask "ooohhh so sorry have you been waiting long?"
last but not least Resolution number five: Make more effort to visit my friends Im a North west London snob, and my friends in East London always have to come to visit me because I dont like leaving the saftey and toffery of the Hampstead area and taking the risk of seeing a building that isnt pretty or going to a pub that dosent serve a decent mojhito,So I will venture out of my bubble more often for the sake of those less fortunate who live in the East,and risk getting watermelon on my shoes without complaining or calling you slumdoners.
Thats it for new years resolutions, as the good person I am they are mainly for the benefit of others rather than myself.In a few weeks time you will all have less reason to complain about me and (if its possible) more reasons to love me.